Transcript from a meeting with Jim Eaton on 29 November, 2020
Q: I want to explore this breath that I do, which is: ugh . . . (Q makes dejected exhale) which feels like, “I’ve had enough.” It happens every single morning when I wake up, I feel and hear this breath, and then as soon as I’m out of bed, it’s gone. And I wonder, what is that? And I never explore it.
Jim: “I’ve had enough.” Right, stay with that.
Q: It’s like: Oh, God. More?
Jim: Yeah, “Oh, please. I’ve had enough.” Really go with that.
Q: It’s like I’m defeated, but I’ve got to go on anyway: Oh, not this again.
Jim: Yeah, “Oh, not this again.”
Q: I love sleeping.
Jim: Yeah. “I want to sleep. I want to roll over and disappear; disappear into my warm duvet.”
Q: Yeah. It’s magnified by quarantine. It’s giving me the opportunity to really feel it.
Jim: So, what is ‘this’ that you’re getting again, that you’ve had enough of?
Q: Another day. Just existing. Not living; existing.
Jim: Just existing. Yeah, “I have to exist for another day.” What would you rather? Just see what comes.
Q: I’d rather be dead.
Jim: “I’d rather be dead.” Yeah. Stay with that.
Q: I’d rather be dead. I’d rather be asleep. I’d rather be dreaming.
Jim: “Anything but this.”
Q: I hate the world.
Jim: “I hate the world.” Keep staying with it. There’s a deep sadness here that wants to come. “I hate the world. It’s painful. It hurts.”
Q: Don’t make me live. Don’t make me do this. I don’t want to.
Jim: Why are they making you do it? See what come.
Q: Because I have to.
Jim: Why do you have to?
Q: There isn’t another option.
Jim: Yeah. “I don’t want this. It’s painful. There’s no other option.”
So, we’ve clarified what’s here, now we need to see if we can healthily separate from it, whilst allowing it to still have a place . . . “I don’t want to be here.” “Welcome friend.” You just need to get that healthy separation, and then you can really meet it, rather than just being lost in it . . . “It’s painful. I don’t want to be here.” “Yeah, I see you. I see you find the world painful, and you don’t want it. It’s messy.”
Q: (starts to cry)
Jim: That’s it. Sensing your feet. (Both breathing deeply) Let that wave of sadness come.
Jim: “It’s painful.” Keep sensing your feet. “Thank you for being here. I see that it hurts. Hurts to be here. Yeah, I see you.”
Q: I’m feeling numb and tingly.
Jim: Numb and tingly. Tingly is the numbness thawing. You’re letting yourself be seen, just as you are. Seeing that it’s okay to be seen. Take your time.
Q: I’m trapped in my throat.
Jim: Including the throat now, and the sense of being trapped. If it feels right you can just put a friendly hand on your throat, supporting. Feel the sensitivity, the care in the hand, as if the hand is saying the same thing, “It’s okay. Welcome. Thank you for being here. Thank you for showing yourself.” Let the waves of sadness come.
Jim: Yeah, keep sensing your feet on the floor. Feeling the support. I like that natural rocking you’re doing; gentle, like a baby floating in the amniotic fluid in the womb; just feeling that gentle rock. Being the unconditional holding that says, “Welcome, welcome!” This is your new friend, your new best friend right here, meeting her.
Q: Moved up into my jaw now. (Q rolls shoulders and stretches)
Jim: Yeah, that’s it, gently rolling the shoulders, stretching like a cat. This part of you that’s holding in the throat, and the jaw, is learning it’s okay to be here, that she can slowly start to unravel, that she is supported now. (Q crying) Feeling another wave of sadness come. Yeah. “It’s painful to be here.”
Q: (Q laughing) What’s coming to me now is a counter thought: it’s painful to NOT be here!
Jim: Right. The energy wants to shift now.
Q: It’s painful to not be HERE. (Q opens her arms)
Jim: Yeah, really feel that shift: the words you just said, and the way you said them, with your hands opening. Feel the new energy in that whole movement.
Q: All the physical tension to avoid being HERE.
Jim: Yeah, that’s right. Feel your strength now. “Here I AM.”
Q: It’s scary dealing with everybody who objects to me being here.
Jim: Yes it is. And now you have this true grounding to support you to BE HERE.
Jim: That’s it, let yourself have it. You just meet that vulnerable one that’s feeling the pain, that doesn’t want to be here; and as you meet her, she offers the doorway into this deeper ground, this deeper reality. Yes, here I AM.
Q: It’s still there; but is this very, very subtle, “I don’t want to go.”
Jim: Let her be here. You don’t want to get rid of her. She’s welcome. She’s part of the family. She is not a threat. She’s not unwanted. She’s a beautiful part of life. She is your wake-up call, literally, in the morning.
Q: Every bloody morning!
Jim: She’s your alarm clock: ding, ding, ding! “Oh, not this again!” That’s the doorway being offered right there, every morning. Here I AM.
Q: (Q laughing) Now it feels more like, “Come on then!”
Jim: Yeah. “See me! Here I am! Taking my place!”
Q: I’m not wearing a mask.
Jim: Yeah. Shining yourself into life. Celebrating your uniqueness. The real, unique you; that’s what wants to shine. Wholeness wants to shine as the fullest expression it can be, it rejoices in that, and more, and more . . . overflowing with abundance.
Q: (Q laughing) Yeah. ‘More’ is the word! More, more. I don’t need anymore, it just IS more!
Jim: Beautiful. Did you see the doorway? It’s when we meet that one that’s hiding, instead of being lost in it; and we really listen to it, let it develop, let it show itself fully, meet it, include it; and then it opens us up to that deeper power, that deeper strength, that joy, that wonder, that celebration of being. Right in the place that we never wanted to look, that’s the way in.
Q: Thank you.
Jim: Thank you.