Transcript from a meeting with Jim Eaton on 20 December, 2020
Q: Yesterday people kept bringing up the subject of the crucifixion, and I’ve been wondering about the saying: you have to die before you can live. I was wondering: what has to die before I can live? In that terminology of ‘dying’, there seems to be a fear around that dying, and I’m wondering: what is that?
It’s useful to have new models, because they raise the finesse of the whole process, they give me more ability to play and to move around in it. So the new model of the crucifixion feels somehow that it needs to bring a sense of humility, or loosening, around the ‘dying’.
The last time we talked I was able to give voice to the wounded feminine who wanted to completely emasculate the male in me; and then you gave me the new model of Shiva and Shakti—the stillness and the movement. That was great, because it enabled a loosening up of the old model I was holding onto so tightly. And then, from there, there was a sense of, “Ah, the quality of the feminine can have fierceness!” And I’d interpreted it as being the wounded, reactive character. So, now she’s fierce, and she can have a lot more richness to her.
So, that’s why I’m wanting to speak about it, to try and get a new model on this crucifixion.
Jim: Right. Models can be very helpful. It’s only when we take them literally that they can start to cause us problems. The feminine is usually associated with qualities such as empathy, sensitivity, kindness, affection, warmth, expressiveness and so on; and the masculine with strength, assertiveness, discipline, logic and structure. This is a useful model if it helps us recognise the qualities we’re less developed in, which might then support us in finding more balance in life.
But if we hold the model too tightly we can get caught in this inner war where, in wanting to explore and live more from our ‘feminine’ qualities, we can start judging our ‘masculine’ qualities as they naturally arise, seeing them as unwanted and the enemy. For example, the logical-rational aspect is so often frowned upon in spiritual circles.
If we then switch the model completely, and see the ‘feminine’ aspect now as Shakti, the dance of life; and the ‘masculine’ aspect as Shiva, the Presence, the stillness of Being; then it loosens up our old fixation. The ‘feminine’ now is the ever fresh, creative flow of life unfolding; and that includes the kindness and sensitivity, yes, but also the fierceness and the logical-rational aspect too. All of it has a place.
According to this model, the work we’re doing here is about discovering our ‘masculine’, Shiva-nature; and then, from that true ground of Being, fully embracing our ‘feminine’, Shakti-nature—the entire dance of life. That’s the divine harmony. The true integration. That’s wholeness.
So what about a new model for the crucifixion? The ‘death’ that we’re really talking about is the ending of the identification with the ego-structure, and being resurrected, or ‘re-born’, into the ‘new life’ of authentic living.
Then Jesus on the cross represents each of us, suffering in life. He even says to God, “Why hast thou forsaken me?” Which is exactly what we all feel when we take on the belief that we’re a separate entity inside the body, alienated from everyone and everything: we feel abandoned. The rationalisation we make is that we must be lacking in some way, unworthy, not good enough; that’s why we’ve been abandoned. So we start to develop an ego-structure to try to be good enough, and so earn love and approval from those around us. It’s our survival tactic.
But when we live from the fear-based patterns and beliefs of our ego-structure we lose connection with who we naturally are and the wonder of being.
Then Jesus says, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.” Which symbolises the letting go of our identification with the ego-structure, and so ‘my will’ becomes ‘thy will’. This is exactly what authentic living is: living beyond the constraints and distortions of the ego-structure and flowing as life. “Thy will be done.”
As we do this work, of clarifying all of the characters that are here that make up our ego-structure, we’re naturally loosening up that identification.
Of course, as that identification does start to loosen up, then because that’s where we’ve been investing our identity our whole life it feels like there’s a death happening. And given that the ego-structure also shows up as physical tensions in the body, as those tensions start to ease it can feel as if we’re literally disappearing! But actually all that’s happening is that the focal point of our old identification is dissolving, and we start to rest back into our true identity—this beingness, that is dancing as all of life.
It can sound pretty straightforward, but of course it isn’t! It inspires real humility as we move beyond being the arrogant know-it-all and into not-knowing conceptually; and trust too, because we’re no longer being ‘the controller’.
Q: For a long time there was somebody that needed to keep looking and trying to find something. And then there was a realization that, actually, I don’t know what I’m looking for! But I kept trying because I was in some way addicted to the conceptual part of the whole process.
Then there was a real point last week when I saw how white-knuckled I was, holding on to something that was all just concepts. So, that’s where there’s been a growing trust, and willingness, and allowance. But that trust is new, it’s always new. It has to come from a new place constantly, otherwise there’s something that’s holding on in it.
Jim: Yeah, beautiful. I see it like the ultimate love affair. Giving yourself to life. And not just once and for all, but over and over. It’s a romantic way of seeing it, but it’s like continually saying to life, to presence, “I’m yours. A hundred percent yours.”
That white-knuckle-ride of the ‘me’ trying to find ‘something’ can be so despairing; because it’s like a dog chasing its own tail, it can never win. It’s like that beautiful U2 song, where he sings, “I have climbed highest mountains, I have run through the fields.” He does everything he can think of, “I have scaled these city walls,” and then comes the chorus: “But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for.”
It’s when we dis-identify from being ‘the try-er’ that all is revealed. That’s the move Jesus makes with, “Father, into your hands I commit my spirit.”
So, we keep offering this welcoming space, to clarify where we’re still getting identified; to allow whatever has yet to be acknowledged to come out of the shadows of the unconscious. There may be deeper layers that don’t feel it’s quite safe enough to reveal themselves yet. So we keep listening, and offering this openness.
And it’s not even something ‘we’ do. This presence, this love that we truly are, it’s natural movement is to seep in to all areas of the psyche and the body that feel separate and afraid; it naturally brings it’s warm, healing balm into every single cell.
And slowly we see what starts to come through us; how our natural, unique expression starts to show up when all the restrictors are out of the way. And who knows how that will look, or where it will lead? It’s the great adventure!
Q: I need to say just how grateful I am. I recognize the very, very, very little girl here who just wanted to hold hands with anybody. She just keeps reaching out to hold hands for connection. And so I am very, very grateful for everybody here in these sessions, and for you too Jim.
Jim: Thank you. I’m very grateful for you too, for being here and supporting. It’s been a real pleasure seeing you opening.