Transcript from a meeting with Jim Eaton on 1 September, 2020
Q: Hi Jim. Hi Everyone. Good to see you all.
Jim: Yeah, good to be together.
Q: Yeah . . . I’m in a lot of emotional pain. This pain has been there for many, many years, it’s just been suppressed, and after certain things that happened a couple of days ago it’s started to unravel. It feels so big. It feels way bigger than me. It’s like I can feel it with every cell in my body. I never realized that I was feeling it. I mean, it’s always been there, but I’ve never allowed myself to feel it.
Q: Because I’ve always thought, “Whatever my mum does, she’s right.” You know? Or, “Maybe she’s not actually right this time but, that’s okay, I’ll go along with it, because I’m a good girl.” Like this, over and over and over again. It just came to the point where it started to unravel. It’s so intense, and part of me is concerned about whether I’m even ready to be able to handle this unravelling. It feels so big that, if I let it in completely, it’s going to possess me and physically harm me in some way.
And at the same I realized that, looking back on everything, it’s a matter of trust. How can I trust this person? How can I manage what’s going to happen? How am I going to maintain this relationship going forward? Because now I see everything clearly, much more clearly than before, when I was suppressing and trying to play the role of ‘the good daughter’—being understanding and loyal etc, etc.
It’s this mixture of deep, deep pain, and confusion about how do I go forward? How do I even talk to her? I physically can’t even talk to her. Even though we didn’t have any serious argument, when I try to talk to her I feel suppressed, like I’m in a kind of spasm.
Jim: Yeah . . . just sense your feet on the floor, sitting bones on the chair, and the breath . . . feel the support that’s here . . . The mind wants to jump ahead, wants to work everything out. So we can thank the mind, “Thank you mind, for trying to save me. It’s ok,” and take our place again here . . . here in the clear space.
Q: (Q laughing) Yes, it’s really trying hard!
Jim: Yeah, so we come back to this openness, and make this ‘inner’ turn, towards the emotional pain, allowing it to be here, listening to it, acknowledging it . . . and then our action can emerge from the openness, the clarity, and not from the fear-based patterning that’s trying desperately to avoid it. So, we can do that together, here now . . .
Q: It’s here (Q points to chest) . . . It’s a pressure in my chest.
Jim: Yeah, So just sense the chest right now, the pressure there, like something pressing in . . .
Q: There’s lots of confusion.
Jim: Confusion, right. Let the confusion be here too . . .
Q: It’s like I want to express myself, but I don’t know how exactly, because this confusion is so big, it’s huge.
Jim: Yes, so notice the mind building it up, making it all seem overwhelming . . . and just stay with the immediate sense of confusion . . .
Q: It feels like I’m sinking, sinking down
Jim: Yeah, the pressure in the chest, pressing you down, and the confusion . . . Just following what’s here, intuitively, not with the rational mind . . .
Q: It’s saying, “I want to get out!”
Jim: Yeah, “I want to get out!”
Q: It’s very uncomfortable. This literally feels almost like a panic attack.
Jim: If you can, let the panic come. If it feels too much, you can distract yourself away, there’s no shame in that. But if you can, let it come . . . feel the sensations in your feet, hands, sitting bones on the chair, breath . . . feel the support that’s here, that allows it to come . . . That’s it, let it all be here, let everything be here . . . and keep listening . . .
Q: It’s suddenly very hot.
Jim: Yeah, the energy is opening . . . let it come, let it rise up . . . here, it’s coming now . . . (Both breathing deeply) That’s it . . . let the breath open to meet it, to welcome it . . .
Jim: “Welcome.” Yeah . . . There’s a lot of powerful energy there.
Q: It’s anger!
Jim: Yeah, let it come, like a warm fire . . . allow it to sweep through the body, burning up the walls of contraction, melting the tensions, thawing the ice . . . Yeah, allow that, that delicious energy, become familiar with it, allowing it to be here, to have a place . . . Let it move, up through the body, into the chest, the throat, the brow, the head . . . and down through the arms, into the forearms, the hands and the fingers . . . and down into the belly, the genital region, the perineum, the hips, the thighs . . . and down into the feet and toes . . . Let it sweep through the body, this holy fire. (Q laughing) Yeah, Here I AM.
Q: I feel like I’m expanding . . .
Jim: Yeah, it’s thawing you out, melting the boundary—this tight, rigid boundary that’s been keeping you small and compliant . . . So, instead of suppressing it, we’re reclaiming and integrating that energy now . . . and now it’s available to support you in whatever action is needed . . . it gives you the strength and clarity to healthily separate from the ‘be a good girl’ pattern, to hold strong boundaries, to speak your truth, to act authentically in the moment. It’s a completely different way of being.
Q: Yeah, I suddenly feel safe!
Jim: Yeah, right. You’re connected to the true safety, that’s always already here.
Q: I often feel that I don’t have support. In the difficult situations, when I really want to rely on something or somebody, it’s not there.
Jim: You’re right, that’s not where it is, it’s not ‘out there’, it’s here, always already here. This is the true support, and it’s you, it’s your deepest nature, always supporting ‘you’. Wow! There’s deep, deep gratitude in that realisation. Not gratitude that you need to fake. It’s real. Wow! I’m held. Always. I don’t have to do anything to earn that holding. I am held. I am loved unconditionally, simply because I exist.
Q: Wow! It’s always so amazing how the perspective on things suddenly changes. Everything is inside us. It’s not outside. The support and love and everything else. It’s all here.
Jim: It’s the fundamental error that we make as supposed separate-selves, living in a domination culture: we’re always trying to earn love and approval, earn the right to exist, from those outside of us—our parents, our friends, our communities. That’s why we’re so restless and insecure.
And then we start to realize, no! Love is here, support is here, in our being! That gives us the true ground from which our authentic expression can emerge, that unique whatever-it-is that we’re each here to bring, that light can start to shine into the world. And then everyone else is let off the hook! (Both laughing) You’re no longer blaming them for what your feeling. You take full responsibility.
And then maybe the compassion can start to open, because we see how others are themselves suffering; that they’re still caught in their old operating system of trying to earn love and approval from outside.
Q: Yeah, that will be the next level! (Q laughing)
Jim: Yeah, it all comes with its own perfect timing. That’s the beautiful thing about it.
Q: As you open, it will bring more and more and more.
Jim: Yeah. So this situation you’re in now, we could reframe it and see this as something beautiful that’s been laid at your door; because on some level it’s time for this, it’s time to take the next step.
Q: I know. I was thinking exactly the same thing. I was feeling really, really bad, but some part of me was saying, “If this is happening after such a long time, you’re probably ready, it’s time.”
Jim: Beautiful. So, here you are, allowing this red energy, this fire, allowing it now to come, to be reclaimed—your strength, your courage, your passion, your vitality, your aliveness—instead of pushing it down. It’s not to be feared.
Q: What comes up is, “It’s not to be feared to be myself.”
Q: It’s not to be feared, to be who I am, regardless.
Q: It’s like a statement.
Jim: Yeah, tell me again.
Q: What was it I said just now?! (Q laughing) . . .
Jim: “It’s not to be feared, to be who I am.”
Q: It’s not to be feared, to be who I am.
Jim: Are you sure?
Q: I’m bloody sure! I’m tired of being afraid!
Jim: Right! You’re telling me what’s true. It’s not just some idea you’re putting out there, it’s a powerful statement of fact. I can feel the fire, the strength in you as you say it.
Q: I feel very hot! Honestly, I’m sweating right now! . . . Yes. I am who I am.
Q: Yeah, cool. I like it.
Jim: Very cool.
Q: Wow, it feels so powerful. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight! (Q laughing) I can feel the focus. It’s like a straight line. A statement of fact. Completely different to where I was before at the beginning of our conversation.
Jim: Yeah, beautiful.
Q: I feel the energy, literally. I’m honestly very, very hot right now, even though the heating is off and it’s quite chilly in the house. I’m literally sweating right now, it’s amazing.
Jim: You can save yourself some money on the heating bills (both laughing).
Q: I want to hold on to that.
Jim: Okay, so be careful with that.
Jim: Because that’s the mind coming in again, right? “I want to hold on to it.” That’s the one that’s trying to control.
Q: Ah, good point.
Jim: This energy is part of your essence. When you’re no longer suppressing it, and the channel is open, it will come naturally when needed. But the rational mind doesn’t trust that, it wants to be in control, it wants to be the master.
As an analogy you could think of presence, of the clear space, as being like a queen; and when we’re lost in our thoughts and fear-based patterns it’s as if the queen has vanished and the mind has jumped in and taken the throne and is ruling the kingdom. But when we come back to the clear space, the true queen returns, and reclaims her throne . . . the sovereign is home.
It’s a good analogy because when the true queen is missing, the kingdom starts to fall into ruin; but when the queen returns there is rejoicing and the kingdom prospers once again.
So you see the mind coming in saying, “I want to hold on to this.” And you bow to it, “Thank you mind, there you are trying to control again. It’s okay, it’s okay,” and you take your place again in the clear space . . . the queen is in her throne.
Q: Yeah, now I can see it.
Jim: Yeah, so there’ll be a whole manner of different ways that your mind tries to usurp presence, to get back in the throne, to be the master. One of the classic ones is, as soon as something opens up, to immediately think, “How am I gonna hold on to this?” It almost instantly slips back in.
Q: Yeah, it’s so unconscious. In one moment you are here and in another moment you’re gone, without even noticing.
Jim: Yeah, these are deep, deep unconscious habits that we’re breaking here. The rational mind is the servant, and it’s a beautiful, ingenious servant, but a very dangerous master.
Q: Thank you Jim. It’s amazing.
Jim: My pleasure. Thank YOU. Enjoy your holy fire!