It’s a sweet moment of clarity: the needing, grasping and clenching all fall away to reveal a wondrous, heartwarming sense of unity, of openness and ease.
Then gradually we’re seduced again by our habitual, well-honed thought routines. Maybe it’s relentless self evaluation, comparisons with others or old stories of resentment and injustice; maybe it’s ‘profound’ thoughts that try to work it all out, or even a kind of ‘spiritual smugness’ in believing we’ve attained some ‘higher level’ of being.
And when we realise we’ve been fooled again, what happens then? We’re down on ourself; there’s frustration, irritation, that despite all our efforts nothing ever seems to change. “Why should it be so complicated?’ we might wonder, and wish the struggling would vanish forever; but of course that’s only more seductive thought, and so the game goes on and on. Aaargh!!!
Pause . . .
Let’s explore the mechanism in operation here.
In believing we’re exclusively a fragile, limited ‘me’ we construct an armoury of self images to protect us. Whether these self images are ‘positive’ or ‘negative’ makes no difference, as long as they serve to relieve our sense of insecurity. Thought then busies itself upholding and maintaining this structure of beliefs for, so the story goes, if they are challenged or fall apart completely then the vulnerable ‘me’ will be dangerously exposed, and that means pain or death.
But this whole mechanism is based entirely on a deep delusion!
We’re not a limited fraction of life, we’re Infinite Being! Untouchable, unscratchable, with nothing to uphold or maintain.
In seeing clearly how the mechanism of ‘me’ operates, in becoming familiar with our own particular repertoire of thought routines, now whenever those ‘unwelcome’ thoughts come they can be honoured, yes honoured! For in their well meaning, yet misguided attempts to save the supposed separate ‘me’, they are actually reminding us of exactly what we’re not.
Then ironically they are our saviours, for instead of confirming our separateness, they deliver us home to Love.