“Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.” Matthew 13:12 NIV
I’m not quite sure when the penny dropped but at some point I realised that, despite all my talk about love and acceptance, I was totally obsessed with fixing myself.
I wanted to clarify all the trauma and limiting beliefs in me, acknowledge, honour and understand them, meet them with awareness, in order to transmute them all away.
It feels shameful, even childish to say, but essentially I wanted to feel good all the time and not have to face the pain, horror and sadness that are an inherent part of life.
But in being totally focussed on fixing myself, on dwelling on all that was ‘wrong’ with me, I was inadvertently living from the identity of being ‘broken’ – of being a ‘have not’. Hence I was continually reinforcing the very beliefs that I was trying to get rid of and, as a consequence, suffering even more!
What changed for me was a shift in orientation: from fixing to creating — from ‘broken’ to always already whole — from being a ‘have not’ to being a ‘have’.
Yes to clarifying the trauma and limiting beliefs, yes to acknowledging, honouring and understanding them, and yes to meeting them with awareness. The difference is I’m no longer trying to get rid of them, but rather truly accepting that these patterns and beliefs will always be there.
Now, instead of my life force going into trying to fix, with the tragic effect of continually recreating my past, it is freed up to move in a new direction: to respond to the creative impulses moving through me and bring them to life.
And, as I engage creatively, those old beliefs can still come up to try to sabotage me, to save me from what they imagine is ‘impending doom’, and sometimes it can be uncomfortable; but instead of being drawn into them and getting derailed, I now choose to stay focussed on the end result of what I’m creating.
This is not by-passing. There is still clarity, acknowledgment, understanding and acceptance of the resistance.
It’s reclaiming my true inheritance: what I’m here to truly be and do in this life.
If you’d like to join me in exploring the creative orientation and reclaim your true inheritence, then check out my new one to one coaching offer and set up an initial meeting with me.
